are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
