Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drake has all the answers
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
