Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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