the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
