I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
