We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
