Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
