You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize