I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
