he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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