did you get engaged???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
