id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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