Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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