i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
