Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
