My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
