Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had sex on a roof
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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