i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
