Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
