I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
