Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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