I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
