Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
