I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
