I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
