Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
