I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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