i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize