I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
