I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize