It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
