if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
