just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize