I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
