Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
