It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
