I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
