I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
