I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
