Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
