I faked an abortion last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
