My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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