Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
