WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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