Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
