Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
