Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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