its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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