Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
