Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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