If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
