And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
