We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
