First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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