dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
