I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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