I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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