Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
