Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
