Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
