Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
