Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
