i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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