i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
